living deliberately

I started a book today that has me thinking. It is about a woman, in present time, who found a diary of a woman living in the 1920’s. The diary that this woman kept seemed to show that her life was lived deliberately. She loved museums, art, music, and painting, so she filled her days with these things. She saved for beautiful clothes, saw plays and operas, and took time each day to write fiction and paint and draw. What a beautiful life! 

I feel like I am in a constant whirlwind. I am thinking about how I will decorate a house someday, I am imagining retrofitting a barn or factory into a sweet house, and I am trying not to be stressed about grading and the fact that I have over 100 freshman depending on me to give them all of the English knowledge they will need in order to progress to 10th grade. 

I don’t live deliberately at all. I live a life of distraction. I forget to find beauty in the small moments of my day. I forget to take time to find something I will love to eat, just because I want to be done with a meal and move on to something else. I think I am depriving myself of joy by living my life this way. I am consumed with the future, forgetting to be thankful for the things that are happening now. 

Part of my believes that I live so much of my life in my head because I was destined to be a writer. I know there is a story inside of me that is just bursting to come forward. 

I want an outlet for my creativity. I want to take beautiful pictures, create beautiful spaces, and dress in beautiful clothes. I want to be pulled together and on-time. 

So, here’s to being deliberate. Here’s to finding joy in the little things and looking for beauty in my surroundings. I look towards 2012 as a chance to live here, in the moment, not in my imagined perfect future. 

I leave with this photo-taken close to home. See how much beauty I take for granted on a daily basis? 

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