It’s hard not to take it personally…

But, on Friday, a pair of my old jeans split down the crotch. Then, today, I sat on my parents’ bed, and it broke. To me, this seems like the universe is sending cosmic hatred towards my body, but that can’t be the case. I haven’t gained hundreds of pounds in the past week, so I’m sure I am not becoming too large to fit into my apartment. 

This week has been a week of disappointments. Anne Burrell didn’t win on “Chopped Champions,” and I didn’t write one best-selling novel. So, this week really has been a loss. 

Yesterday, I attended a high school play, and it got me to thinking about my own experiences in high school. Sometimes, I just cringe to think about the way I acted when I was in high school. I look at pictures of myself, and I always seem to look like I just emerged from a wind storm. I think I didn’t learn to tame my lion mane hair until I turned 18, so high school was kind of a bust. 

Here are some other ways that I have changed in the past six years. 

1. When I was in high school, I watched re-runs of “Golden Girls” at my parents’ house. Now, I watch re-runs of “Golden Girls” on DVD—in my own apartment. That is infinitely more cool. 

2. When I was 17, I danced all the time by myself. I didn’t have any cool moves, so I was just the lame dancing girl. Now, I do Zumba, so I do cool Latin dance moves. I am no longer the girl without a tune. I am a girl who dances choreographed routines to Shakira songs. 

3. Back then, I dreamed of living a life of romance—much like my favorite author, Lori Wick. Now, I live a life of romance. Danny and I spend our nights grading high school English papers, watching “Bones,” and eating brown rice pasta. We are the epitome of romance. We are practically a harlequin romance tale—I’ve heard Fabio wants to make a cover representation of our life. 

4. Back when I was in high school, I slept soundly every single night. I had my twin bed all to myself, and I reveled in my comfortable sleeps. Now, I sleep maybe four hours every night. It’s hard to share a bed with a husband who chomps his teeth and has developed a fun trick of sleeping diagonally in the bed. On the upside, because I hardly sleep at night, I have become one of those fun people who falls asleep anywhere if she is still for more than three minutes. 

5. I used to just wear sweatpants when I lounged. Now, I wear yoga pants. I have classed it up quite a bit since high school. 

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