It’s hard to look for joy

Subbing is great. It really is. I get to hang out with little kids all day—sometimes I get to do art projects, I almost always get to read out loud, and I always leave with a funny story. Kids really do say the most interesting things. I’ve been called mommy, I’ve seen kids do pee pee dances, and I’ve had to tell kids to stop eating their boogers. 

But, inevitably, subbing jobs don’t come every day. And, in my case, it seems like sub jobs come in lumps. I’ll sub four days one week then only one day the next week. It’s hard to find joy and stay positive while waiting for the phone to ring. It’s really easy for me to slip into despair and feel as if I have no purpose on the days that I am not subbing. 

I wish that I felt like I had a purpose in life. I am trying to embark on a masters degree, but still, that will be a year of school, not a full-time job. I guess I just have to stay faithful and believe that I will get my perfect job in due time. 

It’s hard to find joy today. But, I got considerable joy from looking at some random pictures of me as a little girl. I saved them to my computer for some reason, and today, I am finding joy in the fact that I was a crazy little girl with pretty red hair. Maybe someday I will have a little red-headed daughter? That would be wonderful. But, please know this isn’t me saying that I am ready to have children. I am only 23, for goodness sakes. Let me wait a few years before embarking on motherhood. 

Without further ado, here I am as a beautiful little girl. 


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