Yes, I did steal that title from Usher. Sad, yes, but doesn’t it make me more endearing and approachable to know that I have not always had discriminating tastes in music? Doesn’t it make me seem more human now that you know that my past is littered with obsessions with boy bands and Top 40 pop?
Anyway, as I was sitting here, trying not to be bored as Danny grades yet another set of papers, I began to imagine what it would be like to have my own reality show. I’ve often wondered if I would be entertaining on television. Would my wit translate well on television or would I be left to make myself seem ridiculous and say things like tuna is the chicken of the sea? I hope that I would stay true to myself, but that poses another problem—I’m pretty sure I am way to odd to be on my own show. I mean, I do a lot of embarrassing stuff that I wouldn’t want millions of T.V. viewers to see. Let me just give you a list, just so you know what I’m talking about.
1. I really like to dance—not like innocent bobbing around while doing dishes or something. I like to break it down as much as possible. So, if I’m bored, I might try out a Zumba routine or a choreographed routine from a music video. The dancing in and of itself isn’t too bad, I guess. I mean, people in musicals bust out spontaneous dance moves all the time. But, my dance face is what is really embarrassing. Any time I start to dance, my lips pooch out and I end up looking like a plastic surgery gone wrong. It’s pretty ridiculous.
2. I think it is hysterical to sing in an opera voice, just to see if my parents’ dog will sing along. In my quest for our duets, I sing loudly whenever the mood strikes, even if I am in an enclosed space like a small kitchen or bedroom. I have been told that my pitch is ear-splitting and unappealing. In my ears, however, it sounds awesome. Therefore, I would hate to be proven wrong on national television. That would be heartbreaking.
3. My laugh has been compared to the shout of a seal. I don’t personally know what I seal sounds like, however, one boy in high school told me that I was a dead ringer for one. So, therefore, whenever I watch a one of my shows or I read a funny book, I am probably pretty annoying.
4. Since my knees are comparable to the knees of an eighty year old, I often get stuck on the floor. During the day, I try to present myself as a strong, capable, and athletic person, but that persona would fade quickly if viewers saw me stuck in a crouching position. And, really, crouches are not the most flattering poses anyway, so that would just compound my embarrassment.
5. Finally, I am a little obsessed with Sookie, my parents’ dog. I think I relate to her because we both require a lot of attention, but really, it is a little embarrassing to think about the way I treat her. I tell her all the time that she is my best friend, and I think that it might be true. I talk to her, sing to her, tell her that she’s beautiful, and I snuggle with her. I also give her bits and pieces of my food! It’s so embarrassing how much I spoil that dog!
On that note, see how obsessed with her I am—I mean, I even do photo shoots with her!
Yes, I do have pajamas with monkeys on them. That can be the sixth thing on my list.